


to punch & to understand

by canonjohnlock



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Alternate Universe - Social Media, Crack, F/M, Harry and Draco text, Humor, M/M, Multi, Non-magical AU, Sexual Humor, Social Media AU, text fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-06-30 20:30:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15759126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canonjohnlock/pseuds/canonjohnlock
Summary: The group chat names are all over the place, Hermione does a keg stand, and Ron passes out at dinner.





	to punch & to understand

_(20 October 16:42)_

**Ron Weasley** to **Harry Potter & Hermione Granger:** mum’s having dinner tonight. u guys interested?

 **Harry Potter** to **Ron Weasley & Hermione Granger: **yeah i’ll come over once i’m done dying

 **Ron Weasley** to **Harry Potter & Hermione Granger:** why r u dying

 **Harry Potter** to **Ron Weasley & Hermione Granger: **flitwick paired me and malfoy up for a speech

 **Hermione Granger** to **Ron Weasley & Harry Potter: **I’ll come over for dinner. And Harry it won’t be that bad.

 **Hermione Granger** to **Ron Weasley & Harry Potter: **What time’s dinner?

 **Harry Potter** to **Ron Weasley & Hermione Granger: **not that bad?? it’s malfoy!!

 **Ron Weasley** changed the group’s name to **hermione is off her rocker.**

 **Hermione Granger** to **hermione is off her rocker:** I took Flitwick’s class last year. The project takes one semester. You can survive that long. And what time is dinner, Ron?

 **Ron Weasley** to **hermione is off her rocker:** 6

 **Harry Potter** to **hermione is off her rocker:** can you pick me up hermione

 **Hermione Granger** to **hermione is off her rocker:** Only if you change the group name.

 **Harry Potter** changed the group’s name to **hermione is the bestest friend in the whole wide world?.**

 **Hermione Granger** to **hermione is the bestest friend in the whole wide world?:** I’ll be there at 5:45

 

_(20 October 17:03)_

**Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** when are u available to work on the project?

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** Whenever.

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** how bout thursday at 4 in the library

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** That doesn’t work for me.

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** u just said u were available whenever

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** Obviously I’m not.

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** whatever, malfoy. just text me when u figure it out.

 

_(20 October 17:05)_

**Harry Potter** sent a photo to **hermione is the bestest friend in the whole wide world?.**

 **Harry Potter** to **hermione is the bestest friend in the whole wide world?:** can’t believe this shit

 **Ron Weasley** to **hermione is the bestest friend in the whole wide world?:** can i kick his ass

 **Hermione Granger** to **hermione is the bestest friend in the whole wide world?:** There will be no ass-kicking. One semester, Harry, one semester.

 **Harry Potter** changed the group’s name to **harry is gonna kill himself rip.**

 

_(22 October 22:19)_

**Seamus Finnigan** invited **Harry Potter** to **Halloween Bash. BYOB.**

 **Ginny Weasley, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Dean Thomas** and **53 more people** are attending.

 

_(25 October 16:33)_

**Seamus Finnigan** to **Ron Weasley:** can ur brother get us some good booze?

 **Ron Weasley** to **Seamus Finnigan:** is that all i am to u? a booze whore?

 **Seamus Finnigan** to **Ron Weasley:** ur also my favorite weasley

 **Ron Weasley** to **Seamus Finnigan:** i’ll see what i can do

 

_(25 October 16:45)_

**Ron Weasley** to **Charlie Weasley:** help a bro out?

 **Charlie Weasley** to **Ron Weasley:** Ginny already asked me. Try Bill.

 **Ron Weasley** to **Charlie Weasley:** damn it

 

_(25 October 17:56)_

**Ron Weasley** to **Bill Weasley:** help a bro out?

 **Bill Weasley** to **Ron Weasley:** Girls or booze?

 **Ron Weasley** to **Bill Weasley:** booze

 **Bill Weasley** to **Ron Weasley:** I’ll put it under your bed when I come for dinner tomorrow. Mum better not find out.

 **Ron Weasley** to **Bill Weasley:** she won’t. thanks bro

 

_(25 October 18:14)_

**Ron Weasley** to **Seamus Finnigan:** got it

 **Seamus Finnigan** to **Ron Weasley:** i love u

 **Ron Weasley** to **Seamus Finnigan:** fuck off

 

_(26 October 11:23)_

**Harry Potter** to **harry is gonna kill himself rip:** seamus invited malfoy and his gang to his party?? what is the world coming to???

 **Ron Weasley** to **harry is gonna kill himself rip:** he only invited them bc he’s hoping they’ll bring rich people booze

 **Harry Potter** changed the group’s name to **harry is gonna get smashed on rich people booze and then kill himself.**

 

_(31 October 13:09)_

**Ginny Weasley** to **Ron Weasley:** Can me Luna and Neville hitch a ride with u Harry and Hermione to Seamus’s party?

 **Ron Weasley** to **Ginny Weasley:** what’s in it for me

 **Ginny Weasley** to **Ron Weasley:** Next time u have Hermione over I’ll tell Mum Hermione can sleep in my room and u and Hermione can fuck

 **Ron Weasley** to **Ginny Weasley:** … i’ll see if she has enough seats

 **Ron Weasley** to **Ginny Weasley:** she does

 **Ginny Weasley** to **Ron Weasley:** You’re the best

 

_(31 October 21:47)_

**Hermione Granger** started a group with **Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Ginny Weasley, Luna Lovegood,** and **Neville Longbottom.**

 **Hermione Granger** to **Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Ginny Weasley, Luna Lovegood,** and **Neville Longbottom:** Harry I’m at your house

 **Ginny Weasley** changed the group’s name to **partierzzzz.**

 **Ginny Weasley** to **partierzzzz:** Just honk when u get here

 **Neville Longbottom** to **partierzzzz:** Same

 **Luna Lovegood** to **partierzzzz:** That works for me, too.

 

_(1 November 0:02)_

**Luna Lovegood** sent a photo to **partierzzzz.**

 **Hermione Granger** to **partierzzzz:** Is that Ginny? Where did she find a goat??

 **Luna Lovegood** to **partierzzzz:** Yes that’s Ginny, I think she had too much to drink and I’m not sure.

 **Ginny Weasley** to **partierzzzz:** I’m fube

 **Hermione Granger** to **partierzzzz:** What?

 **Harry Potter** sent a photo to **partierzzzz.**

 **Hermione Granger** to **partierzzzz:** Is that Ron?? How did he get on top of the fridge?

 **Harry Potter** to **partierzzzz:** hell yeah that’s him and because he’s a fucking ledge!!

 **Hermione Granger** to **partierzzzz:** I’m taking them home. Can you guys find rides home?

 **Harry Potter** to **partierzzzz:** i’ll just crash here

 **Luna Lovegood** to **partierzzzz:** I’ll go with you Hermione

 **Neville Longbottom** to **partierzzzz:** I’ll look after Harry

 **Hermione Granger** to **partierzzzz:** Thanks, Nev. Text me if you need anything.

 

_(1 November 01:00)_

**schlongbottom** sent **roonilwaz** a Snapchat.

 **Received:** 1:13

 **roonilwaz** is typing…

 **roonilwaz:** is thst hqeey pibchung malgoy?,,,

 **schlongbottom:** Harry punching Malfoy? Yeah

 **roonilwaz:** jhalkfhjslgaflgaghj

 

_(1 November 01:27)_

**Hermione Granger** to **Neville Longbottom:** Ron told me Harry punched Malfoy?

 **Hermione Granger** to **Neville Longbottom:** Neville?

 **Hermione Granger** to **Neville Longbottom:** Is everything okay?

 **(4) Missed calls** from **Hermione Granger.**

 **Hermione Granger** to **Neville Longbottom:** Neville!

 **Neville Longbottom** to **Hermione Granger:** Sorry Harry was bleeding.

 **Hermione Granger** to **Neville Longbottom:** Why? From Malfoy?

 **Neville Longbottom** to **Hermione Granger:** Yeah we were playing truth or dare and Seamus dared Harry to punch Malfoy and then Dean dared Malfoy to punch Harry and then a fight ensued

 **Hermione Granger** to **Neville Longbottom:** I’m coming to get you guys.

 **Neville Longbottom** to **Hermione Granger:** We’re fine, Hermione. Both Harry and Malfoy are too drunk to remember this.

 **Hermione Granger** to **Neville Longbottom:** He’s blackout drunk?

 **Neville Longbottom** to **Hermione Granger:** Yeah but I’m watching him

 **Hermione Granger** to **Neville Longbottom:** Please be careful!

 

_(1 November 12:37)_

**Harry Potter** to **partierzzzz:** my head hurts

 **Ron Weasley** to **partierzzzz:** shut up

 **Ginny Weasley** to **partierzzzz:** shut up

 **Harry Potter** to **partierzzzz:** why are my glasses broken

 **Harry Potter** to **partierzzzz:** there’s blood on my shirt??

 **Harry Potter** to **partierzzzz:** there’s a bruise on my jaw???????

 **Ginny Weasley** removed **Harry Potter** from the group.

 **Ginny Weasley** to **partierzzzz:** he never shuts up

 

_(1 November 16:12)_

**@thatirish_boy** tagged **@harrypotter** and **@draco.mal** in a photo.

i can’t say for sure anyone won this fight

[189 Likes] [Load 37 more comments]

 **@dean_thomas_:** fucking legendary harry!!!

 **@harrypotter:** i don’t remember this

 **@draco.mal:** I definitely won.

 

_(3 November 10:18)_

**Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** i thought of a topic for our speech. u available sixth period?

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** Sure. Meet in the library?

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** sure but pince hates me so if we get kicked out for nothing that’s why

 

_(3 November 13:23)_

**Harry Potter** to **harry is gonna get smashed on rich people booze and then kill himself:** guess who’s been permanently banned from the library!!

 **Hermione Granger** to **harry is gonna get smashed on rich people booze and then kill himself:** What happened?

 **Harry Potter** to **harry is gonna get smashed on rich people booze and then kill himself:** malfoy and i had… words

 **Ron Weasley** to **harry is gonna get smashed on rich people booze and then kill himself:** what’d the ponce kasjhbfajkhg

 **Harry Potter** to **harry is gonna get smashed on rich people booze and then kill himself:** what?

 **Ron Weasley** to **harry is gonna get smashed on rich people booze and then kill himself:** Hello, Mr Potter and Miss Granger. This is Professor McGonagall. Please refrain from texting in class. I expect better from you two, especially you Miss Granger.

 **Harry Potter** changed the group’s name to **ron is a dumbass.**

 

_(3 November 13:49)_

**scarboy (@harry__james2)** tweeted: 'when mcgonagall cathes ron texting in class :(('  _click to enlarge photo_

 

_(3 November 16:51)_

**Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** I can’t believe you got me banned from the library.

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** ur kidding right? it wasn’t all my fault

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** besides i thought it was a good topic

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** It’s not funny, Potter. I had to cover the bruise on my cheek with makeup.

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** u own makeup?

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** My mother does. And even if I did, why would it matter?

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** i didn’t say it mattered i was just idk

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** nvm

 

_(4 November 07:34)_

**Professor Flitwick** sent **hpotter12@hogwarts.edu** and **dmalfoy15@hogwarts.edu** an email.

“Mr Malfoy and Mr Potter:

You two have yet to email me with your topic for your speech. Please do so by tomorrow.

Thanks,

Professor Flitwick.”

_(08:13)_

**Harry Potter** sent **fflitwick@hogwarts.edu** and **dmalfoy15@hogwarts.edu** an email.

“Hi, Professor.

Our topic is domestic violence.

Thanks,

Harry Potter.”

 

_(4 November 09:12)_

**Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** You ass. I said I didn’t want to do that topic!

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** i don’t see u coming up with any other ideas

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** You are the worst partner ever.

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** that’s not what ur mum said last night

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** Real mature, Potter.

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** Whatever. We’ll do the topic. But I’m not gonna be happy about it.

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** when are u ever

 

_(4 November 12:55)_

**Ron Weasley** to **ron is a dumbass:** harry did u see malfoy’s tweet??

 **Harry Potter** to **ron is a dumbass:** no he has me blocked what’d he tweet

 **Ron Weasley** sent a photo to **ron is a dumbass.**

 **Ron Weasley** to **ron is a dumbass:** shit’s blowing up too

 **Ron Weasley** to **ron is a dumbass:** 10 retweets and 53 likes

 **Ron Weasley** to **ron is a dumbass:** harry?

 **Harry Potter** to **ron is a dumbass:** i’m gonna fight him

 **Harry Potter** to **ron is a dumbass:** again

 **Ron Weasley** changed the group’s name to **harry is throwing hands.**

 

**_(4 November 12:32)_ **

**Draco (@dlmalfoy)** tweeted: 'Harry Potter is a piece of shit who doesn't believe men can wear makeup.'

 

_(4 November 13:07)_

**Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** delete the fucking tweet

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** That’s not very nice to say.

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** please, malfoy. u know that’s not what i meant u just don’t seem the type idk

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** please

 

_(4 November 13:22)_

**Harry Potter** started a group with **Fred Weasley & George Weasley.**

 **Harry Potter** to **Fred Weasley & George Weasley: **can u guys hack malfoy’s twitter and delete what he tweeted about me

 **George Weasley** to **Fred Weasley & Harry Potter:** what’d he tweet

 **George Weasley** to **Fred Weasley & Harry Potter:** oh shit

 **Fred Weasley** to **George Weasley & Harry Potter:** we’ll see what we can do

 **Harry Potter** to **Fred Weasley & George Weasley:** thanks. i owe u guys

 **George Weasley** to **Fred Weasley & Harry Potter:** we’ll hold u to it

 

_(4 November 13:37)_

**@girlweasley__spam__** tagged **@notgeorge_weasley** and **@not.fred.weasley** in a photo.

hacking in progress while hiding from pince!!

[23 Likes] [Load 10 more comments]

 **@roonilwazlib:** ledges

 **@n.longbottom:** Oh no….

 **@not.fred.weasley:** contact us for all ur hacking needs!

 

_(4 November 14:39)_

**Draco (@dlmalfoy)** tweeted: 'I'm a piece of shit who gets off on ruining reputations here's my dick www.imadick.org'

 

_(4 November 15:07)_

**Ron Weasley** to **harry is throwing hands:** oh my god did u ask fred and george to hack malfoy’s twitter

 **Ron Weasley** to **harry is throwing hands:** because they succeeded

 **Ron Weasley** sent a photo to **harry is throwing hands.**

 

_(4 November 15:18)_

**Harry Potter** to **Fred Weasley & George Weasley:** i love u guys

 **Fred Weasley** to **George Weasley & Harry Potter:** we know

 **George Weasley** to **Fred Weasley & Harry Potter:** we know

 

_(4 November 15:30)_

**Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** How the hell did you do that?

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy** : do what

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** Don’t be coy. It’s unbecoming. How did you hack my twitter?

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** i didn’t but i’m glad u think i’m smart enough to

 

_(4 November 15:38)_

**Draco Malfoy** to **Pansy Parkinson & Blaise Zabini:** Can you guys please help me get my twitter account back?

 **Pansy Parkinson** changed the group’s name to **draco fucked up.**

 **Draco Malfoy** to **draco fucked up:** Seriously, Pans. Help me.

 **Blaise Zabini** to **draco fucked up:** I’ll be home in five minutes and I’ll work some magic

 

_(4 November 16:47)_

**Draco (@dlmalfoy)** tweeted: 'I apologize for my last tweet. I was hacked.'

 

_(10 November 22:58)_

**Harry Potter** to **harry is throwing hands:** the dursleys locked me out can i crash at one of yours?

 **Ron Weasley** to **harry is throwing hands:** fred and george will be there in 5

 **Harry Potter** to **harry is throwing hands:** thnx

 

_(11 November 06:38)_

**Molly Weasley** left **Roxanne Hopkins** a voicemail.

“Hello, Roxanne. It’s Molly Weasley. Sorry for calling so early, but there was another incident with Harry. Harry Potter, that is. His aunt and uncle locked him out of the house again and the weather is getting pretty cold, as you know. He stayed at our house last night, where he is always welcome, of course. Is there any progress on his case? I was thinking, actually, that should the court determine **—** because I’m positive this boy’s case will go to court once all the paperwork is filled out, like you said **—** Arthur and I would be more than happy to take him in. We’re already signed up to be certified as foster care parents. We would love to have him here. Anyway, let me know if anything changes with his case. Thank you!”

 

_(13 November 09:13)_

**Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** u available to work on the project after school?

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** u can’t ignore me forever

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** if u do i’ll be forced to do the project all on my own and i know u won’t like that

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** Shall we call a truce for the duration of the project?

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** we shall. so after school?

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** I am available. We can go to my house. Father has an extensive library we can use.

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** yeah that works send me ur address and i’ll see u there

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** I’ll just drive you myself. Meet me in the car park after school.

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** ok

 

_(13 November 10:32)_

**Harry Potter** sent a photo to **harry is throwing hands.**

 **Ron Weasley** to **harry is throwing hands:** is that malfoy??? offering u a ride to his lair???? one of us should go with u so he doesn’t murder u

 **Hermione Granger** to **harry is throwing hands:** Don’t be so dramatic, Ron.

 **Harry Potter** to **harry is throwing hands:** i’ll send u guys my location and if things get iffy i’ll send the word butterscotch and u guys can come rescue me

 **Harry Potter** started sharing his location with **harry is throwing hands.**

 **Hermione Granger** to **harry is throwing hands:** It’s not that serious.

 **Ron Weasley** removed **Hermione Granger** from the group.

 **Harry Potter** to **harry is throwing hands:** oh shit

 

_(13 November 11:11)_

**Hermione Granger** to **Ron Weasley:** RONALD!

 **Ron Weasley** to **Hermione Granger:** oh shit

 

_(13 November 11:12)_

**Ron Weasley** added **Hermione Granger** to **harry is throwing hands.**

 **Harry Potter** changed the group’s name to **ron is lucky hermione loves him.**

 

_(13 November 15:27)_

**Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** i’m in the car park

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** I’m parked in space 98 by the broken light pole.

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** black car?

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** Yeah.

 

_(13 November 15:31)_

**Harry Potter** to **ron is lucky hermione loves him:** his car costs more than my aunt and uncle’s house wtf

 **Harry Potter** sent a photo to **ron is lucky hermione loves him.**

 **Ron Weasley** to **ron is lucky hermione loves him:** DAMN

 **Harry Potter** to **ron is lucky hermione loves him:** the seats are heated!!

 **Ron Weasley** changed the group’s name to **harry is living it up with malfoy.**

 **Harry Potter** to **harry is living it up with malfoy:** bluetooth stereo!

 **Harry Potter** to **harry is living it up with malfoy:** this is so nice wtf

 **Harry Potter** sent a photo to **harry is living it up with malfoy.**

 **Harry Potter** to **harry is living it up with malfoy:** oh shit the flash was on he caught me

 

_(13 November 15:38)_

**Draco Malfoy** to **draco fucked up:** I don’t think Potter has seen anything as nice as my car before.

 **Pansy Parkinson** to **draco fucked up:** nice

 **Draco Malfoy** to **draco fucked up:** He keeps taking pictures of the inside of my car. God, how’s he going to react when he sees my house? I don’t want him snapping photos of everything.

 **Pansy Parkinson** to **draco fucked up:** tell him that

 **Blaise Zabini** changed the group’s name to **draco is driving around plebs.**

 

_(13 November 15:46)_

**Harry Potter** to **harry is living it up with malfoy:** he just told me not to take pics of his house rip my life

 **Hermione Granger** changed the group’s name to **harry is a dumbass.**

 

**_(13 November 15:50)_ **

**weasley is our king (@ronnieweasley)** tweeted: 'harry isso dumb'  _click to enlarge photo_

 

_(13 November 16:03)_

**hazjames** sent **roonilwaz** a Snapchat.

 **Received:** 16:07

 **hazjames** is typing…

 **hazjames:** he caught me taking that photo

 

_(13 November 16:54)_

**Hermione Granger** to **harry is a dumbass:** How’s it going, Harry?

 **Ron Weasley** to **harry is a dumbass:** oh my fuckin god he fuckin dead

 **Hermione Granger** to **harry is a dumbass:** Will you please stop referencing vines?

 **Ron Weasley** to **harry is a dumbass:** now is not the time to criticize me, hermione! our dearest friend could currently be being murdered by malfoy! what will we do without him????

 **Hermione Granger** to **harry is a dumbass:** Calm down. They’re probably working.

 **Ron Weasley** to **harry is a dumbass:** harry? working? as if!

 **Hermione Granger** to **harry is a dumbass:** Oh shit. He’s dead.

 **Harry Potter** to **harry is a dumbass:** i’m alive. we were actually working

 **Harry Potter** to **harry is a dumbass:** and talking

 **Ron Weasley** to **harry is a dumbass:** about fighting?

 **Harry Potter** to **harry is a dumbass:** about stuff

 **Hermione Granger** to **harry is a dumbass:** Like??

 **Harry Potter** to **harry is a dumbass:** idk just stuff, like family and school and shit

 **Harry Potter** to **harry is a dumbass:** gotta go he came back from the bathroom

 

_(13 November 17:23)_

**Ron Weasley** to **Hermione Granger:** do u think they’re… bonding??

 **Hermione Granger** to **Ron Weasley:** Maybe it’s a good thing if they are.

 **Ron Weasley** to **Hermione Granger:** blockt

 **Hermione Granger** to **Ron Weasley:** Ron.

_Error: Message could not be sent._

**Hermione Granger** to **Ron Weasley:** You ass.

_Error: Message could not be sent._

 

_(13 November 17:34)_

**Ron Weasley** to **Ginny Weasley:** if hermione texts u about me blocking her ignore her

 **Ron Weasley** to **Ginny Weasley:** also i think harry and malfoy are bonding

 **Ginny Weasley** to **Ron Weasley:** she’s already texted me and yes i ignored the message and what why

 **Ron Weasley** to **Ginny Weasley:** they’re working on a project together for flitwick and he was ignoring our messages and when he finally answered them he said he was talking with malfoy

 **Ron Weasley** to **Ginny Weasley:** TALKING!!!!

 **Ginny Weasley** to **Ron Weasley:** maybe’s it’s not a bad thing

 **Ron Weasley** to **Ginny Weasley:** blockt

 **Ginny Weasley** to **Ron Weasley:** are u serious?

_Error: Message could not be sent._

 

_(13 November 17:52)_

**weasley is our king (@ronnieweasley)** tweeted: 'no one understands me'

 **Hermione Granger (@hermione.jean)** replied: ' _@ronnieweasley_ Stope being dramatic'

 **weasley is our king (@ronnieweasley)** replied: ' _@hermione.jean_ blockt'

 

_(13 November 18:05)_

**Hermione Granger** to **Ginny Weasley:** I hate your brother.

 **Ginny Weasley** to **Hermione Granger:** me too

 

_(13 November 18:47)_

**Harry Potter** to **harry is a dumbass:** that wasn’t as bad as i thought

 **Ron Weasley** changed the group’s name to **harry is leaving us for malfoy:(.**

 **Harry Potter** to **harry is leaving us for malfoy:(:** why the name change

 **Hermione Granger** to **harry is leaving us for malfoy:(:** Glad you unblocked me, Ronald.

 **Harry Potter** to **harry is leaving us for malfoy:(:** what?????

 **Hermione Granger** to **harry is leaving us for malfoy:(:** Ron’s worried you’re bonding with Malfoy, and when I said that might not be such a bad thing he blocked me.

 **Harry Potter** changed the group’s name to **we weren’t bonding we were just talking.**

 **Ron Weasley** changed the group’s name to **that’s what they all say :((.**

 **Harry Potter** changed the group’s name to **ron is being a dramatic ho.**

 **Ron Weasley** changed the group’s name to **ron has a RIGHT to be a dramatic ho.**

 

_(17 November 19:09)_

**George Weasley** invited **Harry Potter** to **Football After Party.**

 **Hermione Granger, Dean Thomas, Ginny Weasley, Seamus Finnigan,** and **100** **more people** are attending.

 

_(17 November 19:39)_

**Ron Weasley** to **Fred Weasley & George Weasley:** will u guys pls just send me an invite to the party i already know it’s gonna be at charlie’s house

 **Fred Weasley** to **Ron Weasley & George Weasley:** what party

 **George Weasley** to **Ron Weasley & Fred Weasley:** what party

 

_(17 November 20:02)_

**Ron Weasley** to **Ginny Weasley:** can u convince fred and george to invite me

 **Ginny Weasley** to **Ron Weasley:** lol

 

_(18 November 08:12)_

**Harry Potter** to **ron has a RIGHT to be a dramatic ho:** why do people keep inviting malfoy and his crew to parties

 **Ron Weasley** to **ron has a RIGHT to be a dramatic ho:** idk fred and george won’t even invite me :((

 **Hermione Granger** to **ron has a RIGHT to be a dramatic ho:** Who can blame them?

 **Ron Weasley** left the group.

 **Harry Potter** to **ron has a RIGHT to be a dramatic ho:** hermione holy shit

 **Hermione Granger** added **Ron Weasley** to the group.

 **Ron Weasley** changed the group’s name to **hermione is a meanie butt.**

 **Hermione Granger** changed the group’s name to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho.**

 

_(18 November 11:19)_

**schlongbottom** sent **roonilwaz** and **hermionejean** a Snapchat.

 **Received:** 11:22

 **hermionejean** is typing…

 **hermionejean:** Is that Harry and Malfoy trying to sneak into the library?

 **roonilwaz** took a screenshot.

 

_(18 November 11:30)_

**Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** I can’t believe you got us into detention with Filch!

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** it wasn’t my fault! u were the one who sneezed!

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** It’s not my fault you’re so dusty.

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** sorry my aunt and uncle didn’t let me shower this morning

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** You’re kidding, right?

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** Potter?

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** obvs i’m kidding malfoy

 

_(18 November 12:01)_

**@notfreddie.spam** tagged **@harrypotter** in a photo.

@n.longbottom caught harry and his beau sneaking into the library!

[16 Likes] [Load 1 more comment]

 **@harrypotter:** he’s not my beau and why’d u send this to george @n.longbottom

 **@ginnygin:** @harrypotter sure honey

 **@n.longbottom:** @harrypotter I sent it to Ron and Hermione but Ron took a screenshot

 

_(18 November 13:33)_

**Draco Malfoy** to **draco is driving around plebs:** I have a question.

 **Pansy Parkinson** to **draco is driving around plebs:** mil ur lying every girl has accidentally put in 2 tampons. i have

 **Pansy Parkinson** to **draco is driving around plebs:** fuck wrong convo anyway we can forget that happened?

 **Blaise Zabini** changed the group’s name to **some people?? use 2 tampons??? to cope??????.**

 **Pansy Parkinson** to **some people?? use 2 tampons??? to cope??????:** >:(

 **Blaise Zabini** to **some people?? use 2 tampons??? to cope??????:** Anyway draco what’s your question

 **Draco Malfoy** to **some people?? use 2 tampons??? to cope??????:** What’s Potter’s homelife like?

 **Pansy Parkinson** to **some people?? use 2 tampons??? to cope??????:** why do u care

 **Draco Malfoy** sent a photo to **some people?? use 2 tampons??? to cope??????.**

 **Draco Malfoy** to **some people?? use 2 tampons??? to cope??????:** And he always suggests we work on our project at my house.

 **Blaise Zabini** to **some people?? use 2 tampons??? to cope??????:** I’m sure the shower thing was a joke. I mean, come on? And do you really want to go over to Potter’s shack?

 **Draco Malfoy** to **some people?? use 2 tampons??? to cope??????:** Yeah, probably a joke. Did the Weasley clones invite you guys to the after party?

 **Pansy Parkinson** to **some people?? use 2 tampons??? to cope??????:** yeah i’m ready to get as litty as a titty!

 **Draco Malfoy** has left the group.

 **Blaise Zabini** has left the group.

 

_(22 November 15:46)_

**Theodore Nott** started a group with **Draco Malfoy, Blaise Zabini, Gregory Goyle,** and **Vincent Crabbe.**

 **Theodore Nott** to **Draco Malfoy, Blaise Zabini, Gregory Goyle,** and **Vincent Crabbe:** Pregame at my place?

 **Blaise Zabini** to **Theodore Nott, Draco Malfoy, Gregory Goyle,** and **Vincent Crabbe:** Sure but you better add the girls or they’ll be pissed

 **Theodore Nott** to **Draco Malfoy, Blaise Zabini, Gregory Goyle,** and **Vincent Crabbe:** Ugh fine

 **Theodore Nott** added **Pansy Parkinson** to the group.

 **Theodore Nott** added **Millicent Bulstrode** to the group.

 **Theodore Nott** added **Astoria Greengrass** to the group.

 **Theodore Nott** added **Daphne Greengrass** to the group.

 **Theodore Nott** to **Draco Malfoy, Blaise Zabini, Gregory Goyle,** **Vincent Crabbe, Pansy Parkinson, Millicent Bulstrode, Astoria Greengrass,** and **Daphne Greengrass:** Pregame at my place? 8?

 **Astoria Greengrass** changed the group’s name to **let’s get cruuuunk.**

 **Millicent Bulstrode** to **let’s get cruuuunk:** Pregame for what?

 **Theodore Nott** to **let’s get cruuuunk:** The Weasley twins’ after game party

 **Daphne Greengrass** to **let’s get cruuuunk:** Doesn’t that mean we’ll miss the actual football game we’re meant to be celebrating at the after party?

 **Theodore Nott** to **let’s get cruuuunk:** I have weed.

 **Daphne Greengrass** to **let’s get cruuuunk:** 8 works for me

 

_(22 November 21:48)_

**seafinn** sent **hazjames, hermionejean,** and **redheadginny** a Snapchat.

 **Received:** 21:54

 **redheadginny** is typing…

 **redheadginny:** They’re still not letting Ron in?

 **redheadginny:** Iconic

 **hazjames** took a screenshot.

 

_(22 November 22:01)_

**scarboy (@harry__james2)** tweeted: 'when fred n george won't let u in their party'  _click to enlarge photo_

 

_(22 November 22:13)_

**Ron Weasley** to **Fred Weasley & George Weasley:** JUST LET ME IN!!!

 

_(22 November 22:17)_

**Ginny Weasley** to **Fred Weasley & George Weasley:** just let ron in before he starts crying

 **George Weasley** to **Fred Weasley & Ginny Weasley:** :((

 **Fred Weasley** to **George Weasley & Ginny Weasley:** fine

 

_(23 November 00:27)_

**Dean Thomas** to **Harry Potter & Hermione Granger:** i think ron needs some help

 **Dean Thomas** sent a photo to **Harry Potter & Hermione Granger.**

 **Harry Potter** to **Dean Thomas & Seamus Finnigan:** ge t ittt rinnn

 **Hermione Granger** to **Dean Thomas & Harry Potter:** Is that a life-sized stuffed bear? How did he get in the mouth?

 **Hermione Granger** to **Dean Thomas & Harry Potter:** I’m on my way.

 

_(23 November 00:43)_

**Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** Hey are you at this party?

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** ueshhhhh boiiiiiu

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** i’bm ijust za bit drunk

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** I couldn’t tell

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** wi knkow i handle mny liquor realaly awell

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** Do you need a ride home, Potter?

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** no i casn crash here

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** Do you know whose house this is?

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** yes wait no wajit yeamh it's mcharlie's

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** I can drive you home if you’d like.

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** di can’t fgo hobme if mby aunt land uncole klnow i’m drkun they’ll lock mye inn my romo

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** thbey don’t clike me very much

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** Okay. The offer still stands if you need a ride, though.

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** why are u being nice qto me

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** Where are you? Let’s not do this over text

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** i'm by the giant bealr roln dropped a ljoint into

 

_(23 November 08:29)_

**charlieweas** sent **redheadginny** a Snapchat.

 **Received:** 11:37

 **redheadginny** took a screenshot.

 **redheadginny** is typing…

 **redheadginny:** Is that ron and harry in your bathtub?

 **charlieweas:** I’m never letting Fred and George use my house for a party ever again

 

_(23 November 11:59)_

**@girlweasley__spam__** tagged **@harrypotter** and **@roonilwazlib** in a photo.

Harry fell asleep eating ron’s nipple!

[34 Likes] [Load 43 more comments]

 **@dean_thomas_:** this is the best thing ever

 **@angie.johnson:** rated x for nipple play

 **@not.fred.weasley:** @angie.johnson nice!

 

_(23 November 14:22)_

**Roxanne Hopkins** left **Molly Weasley** a voicemail.

“Hi, Mrs Weasley. It’s Roxanne with Child Services. We’re having a social worker talk to Harry Monday during school. They’re just gonna ask him some routine questions and see if any red flags pop up. A lot of times kids don’t mention their abuse so if he doesn’t we’ll have someone inspect his home and after that we’ll start making decisions about whether he’s safe in his home or not. That’s all for now. Bye.”

 

_(23 November 17:43)_

**Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** did we talk at the party? i can’t remember anything

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** We talked for a bit, yes, and then you threw up in a potted plant.

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** yikes. um, what did we talk about?

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** You told me I was being nice for no reason and asked if I wanted something from you. Then you accused me of being a Nazi for some reason, and then got real quiet and said you thought your uncle would be a Nazi if he lived during WWII. And then you leaned in real close and spat all over my ear and told me your aunt and uncle like to lock you out of the house during the winter and if you’re bad they lock you in your room and don’t feed you. Then you laughed and said your uncle even put bars on your windows. And then you threw up and passed out.

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** Potter, are you being abused?

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** Because if you are, you don’t really deserve that. Like, I know we hate each other and stuff but no one deserves to be abused.

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** You should tell someone, like an adult.

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** Potter?

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** Harry?

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** u can’t tell anybody what i told you, ok? i don’t live in an abusive home, they never lay a hand on me. and if i tell an adult what happens there will be a whole fiasco that’s not worth it because i’m not even being abused and i’ll be put in a foster home or whatever and i won’t go to hogwarts anymore and i could be placed in a home halfway across the country and i would never see anyone ever again. it’s not worth it. we start a levels next year and then i’m off to university and i won’t have to see my aunt uncle and cousin ever again so just drop it ok? why do u even care, malfoy? u want me gone, don’t u?

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** Maybe they’re not abusive but they’re neglectful. And I don’t want you gone.

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** what?

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** I mean, I’d have to finish the project on my own and that’s so much work.

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** right, yeah. so don’t tell anyone, ok?

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** Okay.

 

_(23 November 19:37)_

**Draco Malfoy** to **some people?? use 2 tampons??? to cope??????:** What do you do if you know someone is being hurt but they don’t want you to tell anyone?

 **Pansy Parkinson** to **some people?? use 2 tampons??? to cope??????:** who’s being hurt

 **Draco Malfoy** to **some people?? use 2 tampons??? to cope??????:** Doesn’t matter. What do you do?

 **Blaise Zabini** to **some people?? use 2 tampons??? to cope??????:** I guess it depends on how severely they’re being hurt and how much longer they’ll be in the situation.

 **Pansy Parkinson** to **some people?? use 2 tampons??? to cope??????:** u tell someone anyway

 **Draco Malfoy** to **some people?? use 2 tampons??? to cope??????:** But what if they asked specifically not to tell anyone?

 **Blaise Zabini** to **some people?? use 2 tampons??? to cope??????:** You have to ask yourself if you value their safety more than you value their trust in them

 **Blaise Zabini** to **some people?? use 2 tampons??? to cope??????:** What’s going on draco?

 **Draco Malfoy** to **some people?? use 2 tampons??? to cope??????:** I think someone is being abused

 **Pansy Parkinson** to **some people?? use 2 tampons??? to cope??????:** who?

 **Draco Malfoy** to **some people?? use 2 tampons??? to cope??????:** It doesn’t matter. Should I tell Dumbledore or something?

 **Blaise Zabini** to **some people?? use 2 tampons??? to cope??????:** It’s someone at our school?

 **Draco Malfoy** to **some people?? use 2 tampons??? to cope??????:** Yes but please don’t start guessing.

 **Draco Malfoy** to **some people?? use 2 tampons??? to cope??????:** I think I’m going to tell Dumbledore on Monday.

 

_(23 November 20:07)_

**@hermione.jean** tagged **@roonilwazlib, @harrypotter, @ginnygin, @loony.love,** and **@n.longbottom** in a photo.

I love my friends (even when they’re drunk).

[127 Likes] [Load 13 more comments]

 **@thatirish_boy:** looks like ron was friendzoned!!

 **@roonilwaz:** @thatirish_boy shuddup

 **@loony.love:** Love you, Hermione

 

_(25 November 08:13)_

**Lee Jordan** to **Fred Weasley & George Weasley: **snape is in position

 **Fred Weasley** to **Lee Jordan & George Weasley:** the syrup is in position

 **George Weasley** to **Lee Jordan & Fred Weasley:** the confetti cannon is in position

 

_(25 November 08:15)_

**redheadginny** posted a video to her Snapchat Story.

 **hazjames** screen recorded your Snap.

 **roonilwaz** screen recorded your Snap.

 **schlongbottom** screen recorded your Snap.

 **weasleyfred** screen recorded your Snap.

 **weasleygeorge** screen recorded your Snap.

 **hermionejean** screen recorded your Snap.

 **beanydean** screen recorded your Snap.

 **seafinn** screen recorded your Snap.

 **angelinajo** screen recorded your Snap.

 **jinglekatiebell** screen recorded your Snap.

 **freelee** screen recorded your Snap.

 **137 more people** screen recorded your Snap.

 

_(25 November 09:30)_

**Ron Weasley** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** fred, george, and lee got 2 months of detention

 **Harry Potter** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** i’m in snape’s class rn and he still has confetti in his hair

 **Hermione Granger** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** Careful. He’s notorious for catching texters.

 **Harry Potter** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** nah i’m good at hiding it

 

_(25 November 09:46)_

**Harry Potter** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** nvm i got detention

 

_(25 November 12:17)_

**Harry Potter** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** i just got out of a meeting with a social worker.

 **Ron Weasley** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** about what

 **Harry Potter** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** my home life. they wanted to know if i’m being abused

 **Ron Weasley** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** oh yeah mum told me their moving forward with ur case

 **Harry Potter** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** my case???

 **Ron Weasley** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** yeah i told mum about how the dursleys treat u and she called child protective services

 **Ron Weasley** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** did u tell the social worker that they lock u in ur room

 **Ron Weasley** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** harry?

 **Harry Potter** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** sorry i’m fucking pissed what the fuck ron??

 **Ron Weasley** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** what?

 **Harry Potter** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** i told u that stuff in confidence and i asked u not to tell anyone, especially an adult what if they put me in a foster home and i never see u guys again? i could be moved across the country, away from everything i know. i only have another year or so left living with them what the actual fuck ron

 **Hermione Granger** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** Harry, what else were we supposed to do?

 **Harry Potter** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** u knew???

 **Hermione Granger** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** Yes. I told my parents, too. They’ve been talking with Molly about it.

 **Harry Potter** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** what the fuck guys i thought i could trust u

 **Hermione Granger** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** That’s not fair, Harry. You’re in a dangerous household. You don’t deserve to be there.

 **Harry Potter** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** so ur questioning my parents’ judgement?

 **Ron Weasley** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** i don’t understand why ur so pissed u hate living with the dursleys

 **Harry Potter** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** i’m probably going to hate foster care more, ron. i can’t believe you guys.

 **Hermione Granger** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** My parents got certified as foster care parents a few weeks ago. We could take you in.

 **Ron Weasley** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** yeah so did my mum and dad. and mum told me either us or the grangers will get priority with housing you

 **Harry Potter** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** since u have it all figured out apparently why didn’t you tell me about any of this

 **Ron Weasley** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** because you’d react like this!

 **Harry Potter** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** and rightfully so! it’s my life u guys don’t get to decide where i live or if i’m in a “dangerous” situation the dursleys never laid a hand on me

 **Hermione Granger** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** They neglect you, Harry. If it weren’t for your trust fund you wouldn’t even be going to Hogwarts. You’d be at St Brutus’ like you said. And you’re not even a criminal!

 **Harry Potter** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** i. don’t. fucking. care. I told u guys something in confidence and you completely fucking ignored my requests so kindly fuck off and leave me alone

 **Harry Potter** has left the group.

 

_(23 November 13:57)_

**Ron Weasley** to **Harry Potter:** harry come on

_Error: Message could not be sent._

 

_(23 November 13:58)_

**Hermione Granger** to **Harry Potter:** Harry…

_Error: Message could not be sent._

 

_(23 November 14:03)_

**Ron Weasley** to **Hermione Granger:** he blocked me

 **Hermione Granger** to **Ron Weasley:** Yeah, me too.

 **Ron Weasley** to **Hermione Granger:** did we do the right thing, hermione?

 **Hermione Granger** to **Ron Weasley:** It doesn’t feel like it now, but I’m sure we did. He doesn’t deserve to live with those monsters.

 **Ron Weasley** to **Hermione Granger:** i knew he’d be mad but i didn’t think he’d be that mad

 **Ron Weasley** to **Hermione Granger:** what if he never talks to us again

 **Hermione Granger** to **Ron Weasley:** He will. Let’s just give him some time and space.

 

_(23 November 14:16)_

**Roxanne Hopkins** left **Molly Weasley** a voicemail.

“Hello, Molly. It’s Roxanne from Child Protective Services. Our social worker finished talking with Harry a little bit ago and as we suspected, he denied being abused or neglected. Based on the information you have given us, however, we will be conducting a home inspection on the Dursleys later this week. We appreciate all your help. Bye.”

 

_(23 November 14:35)_

**Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** Do you want to work on the project after school?

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** can’t i got detention and i’m really not in the mood

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** Okay.

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** out of all the people who knew about my home life i expected u to blab and get me put in a home but noooo it was ron and hermione so congrats on being more trustworthy than my best friends i guess

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** Oh.

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** I was going to tell Dumbledore, though.

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** un fucking believable

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** No deserves to be neglected, not even you, Potter.

_Error: Message could not be sent._

 

_(26 November 17:56)_

**Roxanne Hopkins** left **Molly Weasley** a voicemail.

“Hello, Molly. Roxanne again. Our social workers just finished the home inspection for the Dursleys and Harry and his cousin, Dudley, will be removed from the home while Vernon and Petunia undergo further investigation. Not only did we find a cat door on Harry’s bedroom door through which his aunt and uncle could give him food when they locked him in there, we also found bars placed on his window so he wouldn’t be able to escape. His room was pitifully small and all his clothes were several sizes too big. He will be getting a full physical to see if there was any physical abuse on him and a psych evaluation to see if therapy is needed for him. While his aunt and uncle are under investigation, he and his cousin will be living in our home. Harry will continue to attend Hogwarts while he lives here and once he’s ready to be placed in a foster home we will contact either you or the Grangers. Thank you so much for all your help. Bye.”

 

_(1 December 12:23)_

**Harry Potter** to **Ron Weasley:** hey…

 **Ron Weasley** to **Harry Potter:** hi

 **Harry Potter** to **Ron Weasley:** i’m sorry i got so mad at u and hermione. u guys did the right thing and i’m glad u guys told ur parents

 **Ron Weasley** to **Harry Potter:** i’m sorry we didn’t tell u we told. u had a right to know what was happening

 **Harry Potter** to **Ron Weasley:** can we put everything behind us?

 **Ron Weasley** to **Harry Potter:** of course mate

 **Harry Potter** to **Ron Weasley:** good bc the care home has me and dudley sharing a room and boy is it interesting

 **Ron Weasley** to **Harry Potter:** what?? srsly??

 **Harry Potter** to **Ron Weasley:** yeah lmao. but i think i heard him crying last night… vernon and petunia actually do love him a lot

 **Ron Weasley** to **Harry Potter:** are ur aunt and uncle looking at jail time?

 **Harry Potter** to **Ron Weasley:** idk, but dudley is going to live with his aunt marge. the social workers are still trying to find a relative or someone to take me in. they’re trying to track down my parents’ wills and see if anybody else was listed as caregiver if something happened to them

 **Ron Weasley** to **Harry Potter:** any luck on that?

 **Harry Potter** to **Ron Weasley:** no. i know my dad was an only child and mum had petunia and all my grandparents are dead so.

 **Ron Weasley** to **Harry Potter:** maybe you’ll get placed in my house!

 **Harry Potter** to **Ron Weasley:** yeah maybe lol

 **Ron Weasley** to **Harry Potter:** i mean ur already a part of the family so

 **Harry Potter** to **Ron Weasley:** thanks ron

 **Ron Weasley** to **Harry Potter:** anytime mate

 

_(1 December 12:49)_

**Harry Potter** to **Hermione Granger:** hey…

 **Hermione Granger** to **Harry Potter:** Oh my god, Harry! I’m so sorry! I’ve been thinking about what Ron and I did a lot these past few days and I realized we could have handled the situation so much better. We should have told you we told our parents and we should have told you we wouldn’t let them take you somewhere far away. I feel like such an idiot. We really didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, we were just doing what we thought was right. And I still believe it was the right thing to do. Your aunt and uncle are just awful people, truly. You didn’t deserve to live like that, no one does.

 **Harry Potter** to **Hermione Granger:** jesus hermione it’s ok i forgive you

 **Hermione Granger** to **Harry Potter:** Oh, thank God! I was so worried you were never going to talk to me again.

 **Harry Potter** to **Hermione Granger:** you’re one my best friends, hermione, i can’t just drop you like that.

 **Hermione Granger** to **Harry Potter:** I love you so much, Harry.

 **Harry Potter** to **Hermione Granger:** i love you too

 

_(2 December 07:32)_

**hazjames** sent **roonilwaz** a Snapchat.

 **Received:** 08:01

 **roonilwaz** is typing…

 **roonilwaz:** omg did someone steal dudley’s towel

 **roonilwaz:** why is his dick so tiny

 **hazjames:** kjahlkjfskljf

 

_(2 December 08:13)_

**Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** i emailed flitwick for an extension on our speech

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** Where the fuck have you been these last few days? You weren’t in school for four days.

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** u counted?

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** Well when your speech partner blocks your number and then goes MIA for almost a week and the speech is due next week a person tends to worry.

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** right, sorry. i was really angry and u didn’t deserve to receive that anger

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** Well now you get to receive mine. Where the fuck were you?

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** being removed from my house and put into a foster home

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** Oh, shit. How was that?

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** awful tbh, but i’m adjusting.

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** I’m glad you’re out of that situation, though. No one deserves to be treated that way. Even a cock like you.

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** that is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me i’m swooning

 

_(2 December 09:03)_

**Harry Potter** to **Ron Weasley:** add me back to the group chat quick

 

_(2 December 09:05)_

**Ron Weasley** added **Harry Potter** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho.**

 **Harry Potter** sent a photo to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho.**

 **Ron Weasley** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** is that malfoy???

 **Harry Potter** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** yeah can u believe it

 **Ron Weasley** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** maybe he does have a heart in his cold, dead soul

 

_(2 December 11:11)_

**Professor Flitwick** has sent **hpotter12@hogwarts.edu** and **dmalfoy15@hogwarts.edu** an email.

“Mr Malfoy and Mr Potter:

I received your request for an extension on your project and given the circumstances it has been granted. You have one extra week to finish up.

Yours,

Professor Flitwick.”

 

_(2 December 13:06)_

**Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** My place after school?

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** yeah i’ll have to call the home and see if it’s ok but it should be

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** Okay. I can give you a ride back there afterwards, too.

 

_(2 December 14:22)_

**pansparks** sent **dlmalfoy** a Snapchat.

 **pansparks** is typing…

 **pansparks:** DON’T OPEN THAT THAT WAS MEANT FOR SOMEONE ELSE

 **Received:** 14:46

 **dlmalfoy** is typing…

 **dlmalfoy:** WHY ARE YOU TAKING NUDES IN SCHOOL?

 **pansparks:** DON’T ASK QUESTIONS YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW THE ANSWER TO

 

_(2 December 16:27)_

**Harry Potter** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** i kissed draco

 **Harry Potter** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** and he kissed me back

 **Hermione Granger** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** :O

 

_(2 December 16:35)_

**redheadginny** sent **hazjames** and **hermionejean** a Snapchat.

 **Received:** 16:42

 **hermionejean** is typing…

 **hermionejean:** Did Ron pass out??

 **redheadginny:** Yeah idk what you guys said to him but he just passed out onto his plate of meatloaf mum screamed

 **hazjames** took a screenshot.

 

_(2 December 16:57)_

**Ron Weasley** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** U WHAT NOW

 **Harry Potter** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** i kissed malfoy and he kissed me back

 **Ron Weasley** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** why

 **Harry Potter** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** idk it’s hard to explain, it was just the moment u know? and he’s not that bad ok i mean he’s a sarcastic piece of shit but he’s ok

 **Ron Weasley** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** does this mean ur gay?

 **Harry Potter** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** i don’t think so. memories of ur sister still serve as fap material

 **Ron Weasley** to **hermione is a meanie butt and ron is a dramatic ho:** harry i hate u so fucking much

 

_(2 December 17:49)_

**roonilwaz** is typing…

 **roonilwaz:** if u hurt harry i will send fred, george, AND ginny on u

 **dlmalfoy** is typing…

 **dlmalfoy:** How did you get my snapchat?

 **dlmalfoy:** And good to know Potter kisses and tells.

 **roonilwazlib:** i have my ways and he tells us everything

 **dlmalfoy:** Everything?

 **dlmalfoy:** Shit

 **roonilwazlib:** what does that mean??

 **roonilwazlib:** what else did u guys do??

 **roonilwazlib:** malfoy????

 

_(2 December 18:00)_

**Ron Weasley** changed the group’s name to **harry is a whore for malfoy.**

 **Harry Potter** to **harry is a whore for malfoy:** really ron

 **Ron Weasley** to **harry is a whore for malfoy:** i see ur not denying it

 **Harry Potter** to **harry is a whore for malfoy:** ;))

 **Ron Weasley** to **harry is a whore for malfoy:** i’m gonna pass out again

 

_(2 December 18:17)_

**Draco Malfoy** to **some people?? use 2 tampons??? to cope??????:** Guys Potter kissed me and I kissed him back

 **Blaise Zabini** to **some people?? use 2 tampons??? to cope??????:** Is he a good kisser?

 **Pansy Parkinson** changed the group’s name to **draco is a traitor.**

 **Pansy Parkinson** to **draco is a traitor:** bastard we were supposed to get married if we were both single by 40

 **Draco Malfoy** to **draco is a traitor:** It was one kiss!

 

_(3 December 08:01)_

**Fred Weasley** to **George Weasley & Lee Jordan:** i’m in mcgonagall’s room rn the coast is clear

 **Lee Jordan** to **Fred Weasley & George Weasley:** ok on my way

 **Fred Weasley** to **George Weasley & Lee Jordan:** wait someone’s coming i’m hiding in a cabinet

 **Fred Weasley** to **George Weasley & Lee Jordan:** wait it’s just harry

 **Fred Weasley** to **George Weasley & Lee Jordan:** wait and malfoy

 **Fred Weasley** to **George Weasley & Lee Jordan: **oh my god

 **Fred Weasley** to **George Weasley & Lee Jordan: **guys they’re kissing and i’m stuck in a cabinet

 **Fred Weasley** to **George Weasley & Lee Jordan:** they’re laying across a desk help me i don’t want to see this

 **Fred Weasley** to **George Weasley & Lee Jordan:** my god, my eyes!

 

_(3 December 08:15)_

**weasleyfred** sent **hazjames** a Snapchat.

 **Received:** 08:32

 **hazjames** is typing…

 **hazjames:** oh my god u were there the whole time??

 **weasleyfred:** unfortunately

 

_(3 December 08:45)_

**Ron Weasley** sent a video to **harry is a whore for malfoy.**

 **Ron Weasley** to **harry is a whore for malfoy:** thanks for this now i won’t be able to focus in mcgonagall’s class knowing u and malfoy rubbed butts in there

 **Harry Potter** to **harry is a whore for malfoy:** how did u get this

 **Ron Weasley** to **harry is a whore for malfoy:** it’s on fred’s story

 

_(3 December 08:47)_

**Ginny Weasley** sent a video to **Harry Potter.**

 **Ginny Weasley** to **Harry Potter:** is that u and malfoy???

 

_(3 December 08:48)_

**Neville Longbottom** sent a video to **Harry Potter.**

 **Neville Longbottom** to **Harry Potter:** Is that you and Malfoy? In McGonagall’s room?

 

_(3 December 08:48)_

**George Weasley** sent a video to **Harry Potter.**

 **George Weasley** to **Harry Potter:** nice!

 

_(3 December 08:48)_

**Dean Thomas** sent a video to **Harry Potter.**

 **Dean Thomas** to **Harry Potter:** DUDE! GET IT!!!

 **Dean Thomas** to **Harry Potter:** wait is that malfoy

 

_(3 December 08:50)_

**Seamus Finnigan** sent a video to **Harry Potter.**

 **Seamus Finnigan** to **Harry Potter:** BRUH

 

_(3 December 08:51)_

**Harry Potter** to **Fred Weasley:** how many people viewed your story?

 **Fred Weasley** to **Harry Potter:** 989

 **Harry Potter** to **Fred Weasley:** wtf how many friends do u have???

 **Fred Weasley** to **Harry Potter:** 1,237

 **Harry Potter** to **Fred Weasley:** could u please take it down?

 **Fred Weasley** to **Harry Potter:** sure but 284 people already screen recorded it

 

_(3 December 09:02)_

**Blaise Zabini** sent a video to **draco is a traitor.**

 **Draco Malfoy** to **draco is a traitor:** Where did you get that?

 **Pansy Parkinson** to **draco is a traitor:** dude that’s my desk in mcgonagall’s room

 **Blaise Zabini** to **draco is a traitor:** Fred Weasley’s snapchat

 

_(3 December 09:03)_

**Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** Make him take it down

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** he is, i already asked him to

 

_(6 December 18:20)_

**Harry Potter** to **harry is a whore for malfoy:** they found my parents’ wills

 **Hermione Granger** to **harry is a whore for malfoy:** And?

 **Harry Potter** to **harry is a whore for malfoy:** i was supposed to be put in my godfather’s care along with his close friend

 **Hermione Granger** to **harry is a whore for malfoy:** Why weren’t you?

 **Harry Potter** to **harry is a whore for malfoy:** my parents were murdered, someone cut their brakes in their car. my godfather was arrested and put in jail because he was also my parents’ mechanic and had a motive apparently. my dad was pretty well off, as u knew from my trust fund, but he had also sent aside a large chunk of money for my godfather should anything happen to my parents.

 **Ron Weasley** to **harry is a whore for malfoy:** so… you’re gonna live in a prison with ur godfather?

 **Harry Potter** to **harry is a whore for malfoy:** no a few weeks ago a guy named peter pettigrew hanged himself and left behind a note confessing to cutting my parents’ brake lines to appease a drug lord. the cops reviewed it and found it to be accurate and asked some of the drug lord’s close friends if he asked pettigrew to do that and they said he did, so my godfather was released from prison and has apparently been looking for me for a long time. he really wants to meet me.

 **Hermione Granger** to **harry is a whore for malfoy:** Harry, that’s great!

 **Harry Potter** to **harry is a whore for malfoy:** i’m nervous, tho. what if he doesn’t like me?

 **Ron Weasley** to **harry is a whore for malfoy:** of course he’ll like u don’t worry mate

 

_(7 December 12:07)_

**Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** My place?

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** can’t, meeting my godfather and his friend

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** You have a godfather?

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** apparently so. i’ll text u after we can still meet up and practice the speech

 

_(7 December 15:33)_

**Harry Potter** to **harry is a whore for malfoy:** oh my god my godfather is possibly the coolest person alive

 **Ron Weasley** to **harry is a whore for malfoy:** not true i am, but go on

 **Harry Potter** to **harry is a whore for malfoy:** he and his friend showed up ON A MOTORCYCLE like an honest to god motorcycle. and he was wearing a leather jacket and he has tattoos and long hair that doesn’t look greasy like snape’s but like actually cool. but his friend was the nerdiest person ever aside from hermione. he was wearing a tweed jacket. but he was suuuuuper nice, both of them were and they really want me to live with them. they just got a two bedroom flat near hogwarts and they also went to hogwarts! it’s how they met my mum and dad!

 **Hermione Granger** to **harry is a whore for malfoy:** Was your godfather’s friend also in prison?

 **Harry Potter** to **harry is a whore for malfoy:** no and i asked him why he never came and visited me and he said he tried but the dursleys prevented him from seeing me and he actually has HIV he was very open about it and he had to focus on his treatment and getting better so yeah

 **Ron Weasley** to **harry is a whore for malfoy:** bro this is great ur not moving far away and ur gonna be living with awesome people!!

 **Harry Potter** to **harry is a whore for malfoy:** i know!! i’m so excited i move in sunday!

 **Hermione Granger** to **harry is a whore for malfoy:** What are their names? You never told us.

 **Harry Potter** to **harry is a whore for malfoy:** right my godfather is sirius black and his friend is remus lupin

 

_(7 December 15:47)_

**Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** hey i just finished lunch with my godfather and his friend. u still wanna practice the speech?

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** Yeah. Do you need me to pick you up from the home?

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** yeah thnx

 

_(8 December 11:29)_

**Seamus Finnigan** and **Dean Thomas** invited **Harry Potter** to **Christmas Extravaganza. BYOB & BYOW.**

 **Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Lee Jordan, Pansy Parkinson** and **98 more people** are attending.

 

_(8 December 12:08)_

**Harry Potter** to **Seamus Finnigan:** what’s BYOW?

 **Seamus Finnigan** to **Harry Potter:** bring ur own weed

 **Harry Potter** to **Seamus Finnigan:** :0

 

_(9 December 07:13)_

**Harry Potter** to **harry is a whore for malfoy:** should i ask draco to go to seamus and dean’s party with me

 **Ron Weasley** to **harry is a whore for malfoy:** he was already invited

 **Harry Potter** to **harry is a whore for malfoy:** i know that, but like, should i ask him to come with me, like as a date?

 **Hermione Granger** to **harry is a whore for malfoy:** Is he interested in you like that?

 **Ron Weasley** to **harry is a whore for malfoy:** did u not see them humping each other in mcgonagall’s room hermione

 **Hermione Granger** to **harry is a whore for malfoy:** Everybody saw that. But I mean, does he want more than just ‘humping’?

 **Harry Potter** to **harry is a whore for malfoy:** i guess there’s only one way to find out

 

_(9 December 07:59)_

**Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** do u wanna go to seamus and dean’s party with me

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** I was already invited

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** no i mean as my date

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** like i know we never had the whole ‘what are we’ talk and if u just wanna be friends (or frenemies) with benefits i am totally cool with that but also if u want to have a relationship i am totally cool with that too it’s like up to you or whatever idk just lmk i guess

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** Friends with benefits implies you can mess around with other people and I don’t share very well. I would love to go as your date, Harry.

 

_(9 December 09:37)_

**Harry Potter** to **harry is a whore for malfoy:** we’re going to the party together!

 **Ron Weasley** to **harry is a whore for malfoy:** does this mean we have to go on double dates with u guys now

  

_(11 December 13:42)_

**Harry Potter** to **harry is a whore for malfoy:** guys help i’m crying

 **Harry Potter** to **harry is a whore for malfoy:** sirius asked if i was dating any special girl and i said sorta and he was like oh what’s her name and i was like it’s a guy actually and we’re not, like, official yet and i was super worried because what if he’s homophobic and sirius just nodded and said i kissed ur dad once he used too much tongue hELP

 **Hermione Granger** changed the group’s name to **too much tongue runs in the family.**

 **Harry Potter** to **too much tongue runs in the family:** I WAS DRUNK HERMIONE IT WAS SPIN THE BOTTLE LET IT GO

 **Hermione Granger** to **too much tongue runs in the family:** I can never let it go. It was like kissing an oyster.

 **Ron Weasley** to **too much tongue runs in the family:** yikes, hope draco likes oysters

 **Harry Potter** to **too much tongue runs in the family:** i hate both of u

 

_(12 December 10:22)_

**Blaise Zabini** to **let’s get cruuuunk:** Theo have you got the stuff?

 **Theodore Nott** to **let’s get cruuuunk:** Yeah i’m getting it in half an hour

 **Pansy Parkinson** changed the group’s name to **blaaaaze it.**

 **Daphne Greengrass** to **blaaaaze it:** I liked let’s get cruuuunk.

 **Astoria Greengrass** to **blaaaaze it:** Hurry up Nott

 **Theodore Nott** to **blaaaaze it:** Patience is a virtue.

 **Theodore Nott** to **blaaaaze it:** Pansy u still owe me 15 pounds

 **Pansy Parkinson** to **blaaaaze it:** error 404 message not found

 **Draco Malfoy** to **blaaaaze it:** So I sort of invited harry to smoke with us and he asked if he could invite Granger and Weasley and I panicked and said yes.

 **Gregory Goyle** to **blaaaaze it:** who’s harry

 **Draco Malfoy** to **blaaaaze it:** Harry Potter?

 **Gregory Goyle** to **blaaaaze it:** why

 **Daphne Greengrass** to **blaaaaze it:** How are you so thick they’re dating

 **Draco Malfoy** to **blaaaaze it:** We’re not dating. Not officially. Shut up.

 **Theodore Nott** to **blaaaaze it:** Well if three more people are coming I’m gonna need to get more weed. I’ll need another 30 minutes.

 **Draco Malfoy** to **blaaaaze it:** I’m adding Harry to the group.

 **Draco Malfoy** added **Harry Potter** to **blaaaaze it.**

 **Theodore Nott** to **blaaaaze it:** Potter if ur smoking u owe me 15 pounds

 **Harry Potter** to **blaaaaze it:** ok i’ll bring it with me

 **Harry Potter** to **blaaaaze it:** where are we smoking?

 **Draco Malfoy** to **blaaaaze it:** My place. Be there in 30.

 **Harry Potter** to **blaaaaze it:** ok i’m gonna add hermione and ron to this chat if that’s ok

 **Draco Malfoy** to **blaaaaze it:** Okay

 **Harry Potter** added **Ron Weasley** to **blaaaaze it.**

 **Harry Potter** added **Hermione Granger** to **blaaaaze it.**

 

_(12 December 11:09)_

**Theodore Nott** to **Draco Malfoy, Blaise Zabini, Gregory Goyle,** **Vincent Crabbe, Pansy Parkinson, Millicent Bulstrode, Astoria Greengrass,** and **Daphne Greengrass:** That was the worst thing you’ve ever done draco

 **Blaise Zabini** changed the group’s name to **hiss hiss bitch.**

 **Draco Malfoy** to **hiss hiss bitch:** I’m sure I’m not the only one who wants to see Granger high as a kite.

 **Pansy Parkinson** to **hiss hiss bitch:** ok valid point

 **Gregory Goyle** to **hiss hiss bitch:** who’s granger

 **Pansy Parkinson** removed **Gregory Goyle** from the group.

 

_(12 December 11:09)_

**Ron Weasley** to **too much tongue runs in the family:** that is the weirdest group i’ve ever been added to fyi

 **Harry Potter** to **too much tongue runs in the family:** i agree, but u guys wanted to smoke so

 **Harry Potter** to **too much tongue runs in the family:** we have to be at draco’s in about 15 minutes

 **Ron Weasley** to **too much tongue runs in the family:** oh so it’s draco now

 **Harry Potter** to **too much tongue runs in the family:** i’m boning him so we might as well be on a first name basis

 **Ron Weasley** to **too much tongue runs in the family:** my innocent eyes!

 

_(12 December 12:01)_

**Hermione Granger** to **blaaaaze it:** Ron neet me inm th bathropm

 **Pansy Parkinson** to **blaaaaze it:** wrong convo granger

 **Draco Malfoy** to **blaaaaze it:** NOT IN MY BATHROOM

 

_(12 December 18:37)_

**Hermione Granger** to **too much tongue runs in the family:** I’m never smoking again.

 **Harry Potter** to **too much tongue runs in the family:** lol

 

_(14 December 11:59)_

**@roonilwazlib** tagged **@hermione.jean** in a photo.

happy 3 years, hermione, love you

[237 Likes] [Load 12 more comments]

 **@dragon.charlie:** atta boy!

 **@hermione.jean:** Thanks, Ron! I love you, too!

 **@harrypotter:** photo creds

 

_(15 December 17:12)_

**Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** my godfather wants to meet u

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** What? Why?

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** to quote him: i want to meet the punk who’s defiling my godson

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** Defiling?

 **Harry Potter** to **Draco Malfoy:** his words, not mine. Just come up to the flat when u pick me up for the party. it’s number 12

 **Draco Malfoy** to **Harry Potter:** Okay.

 

_(15 December 17:34)_

**Draco Malfoy** to **draco is a traitor:** Harry’s godfather wants to meet me. That’s, like, the equivalent to meeting his parents, right?

 **Pansy Parkinson** changed the group’s name to **rip draco.**

 

_(15 December 21:18)_

**Harry Potter** to **too much tongue runs in the family:** so anyway turns out sirius and draco are cousins

 **Ron Weasley** to **too much tongue runs in the family:** WHAT

 **Harry Potter** to **too much tongue runs in the family:** draco’s mum and sirius are first cousins

 **Harry Potter** to **too much tongue runs in the family:** is this incest

 **Harry Potter** to **too much tongue runs in the family:** remus says it’s not, but he’s also laughing really hard idk why

 **Harry Potter** to **too much tongue runs in the family:** remus just assured sirius and draco it’s not incest if we bone

 **Harry Potter** to **too much tongue runs in the family:** i’m killing myself

 **Hermione Granger** to **too much tongue runs in the family:** Oh, Harry.

_(22:03)_

**Harry Potter** to **too much tongue runs in the family:** draco is definitely not worried about the whole incest thing

 

_(15 December 22:08)_

**Ginny Weasley** to **Harry Potter:** yo where are u and draco? u guys missed ron making out with dean

 **Harry Potter** to **Ginny Weasley:** WHAT

 **Harry Potter** to **Ginny Weasley:** tell me u recorded it

 **Ginny Weasley** to **Harry Potter:**  of course i did. it’s on my story. what’s taking you guys so long

 **Harry Potter** to **Ginny Weasley:** we got…. distracted don’t worry we’re on our way

 **Ginny Weasley** to **Harry Potter:** gr0ss

 

_(15 December 22:20)_

**zabinibikini** sent **dlmalfoy** a Snapchat.

 **Received:** 21:22

 **dlmalfoy** is typing…

 **dlmalfoy:** Yes, that’s a hickey on Harry’s neck. Leave me alone.

 

_(15 December 22:57)_

**Fred Weasley** to **George Weasley & Lee Jordan:** ready

 **Lee Jordan** to **Fred Weasley & George Weasley:** ready

 **George Weasley** to **Fred Weasley & Lee Jordan:** ready

 

_(15 December 22:59)_

**Hermione Granger** to **too much tongue runs in the family:** What was that?

 **Ron Weasley** to **too much tongue runs in the family:** ledges!!!

 

_(15 December 22:59)_

**Sirius Black** to **Harry Potter:** What was that loud bang? Are there guns in there?

 **Harry Potter** to **Sirius Black:** did u follow us to the party??

 **Sirius Black** to **Harry Potter:** Maybe…

 **Harry Potter** to **Sirius Black:** it was just the weasley twins and lee jordan with a prank

 **Sirius Black** to **Harry Potter:** Ok. Are you mad I followed you?

 **Harry Potter** to **Sirius Black:** no i’m happy u cared enough to. also... did u see me and draco take a… pit stop

 **Sirius Black** to **Harry Potter:** Yes, but don’t worry, Remus and I parked far away and had a pit stop of our own

 **Harry Potter** to **Sirius Black:** oh my god goodnight

 

_(15 December 23:01)_

**pansparks** posted a video to her Snapchat Story.

 **dlmalfoy** is typing…

 **dlmalfoy:** Why did you post that to your story?

 **thiggs** is typing…

 **thiggs:** is that malfoy jumping into potter’s arms after that explosion went off?

 **zabinibikini** screen recorded your Snap.

 **hazjames** screen recorded your Snap.

 

_(15 December 23:07)_

**Ron Weasley** to **too much tongue runs in the family:** keg stands in 10!!

 

_(15 December 23:20)_

**jinglekatiebell** posted a video to her Snapchat Story.

 **freelee** is typing…

 **freelee:** get it angie!!

 **weasleygeorge** is typing…

 **weasleygeorge:** johnson looks good doing a keg stand

 

_(15 December 23:31)_

**@pansy.spam.bam** tagged **@zabini.blaise** and **@flintmarcus** in a photo.

some lads being lads throwing up in toilets

[13 Likes] [Load 1 more comment]

 **@draco.mal:** Gross

 **@flintemarcus:** pansy why

 

_(15 December 23:37)_

**redheadginny** posted a video to her Snapchat Story.

 **hazjames** screen recorded your Snap.

 **hazjames** is typing…

 **hazjames:** oh my god hermione actually did a keg stand

 **roonilwaz** screen recorded your Snap.

 **schlongbottom** screen recorded your Snap.

 **dlmalfoy** screen recorded your Snap.

 **pansparks** screen recorded your Snap.

 **zabinibikini** screen recorded your Snap.

 **weasleyfred** screen recorded your Snap.

 **weasleygeorge** screen recorded your Snap.

 **beanydean** screen recorded your Snap.

 **seafinn** screen recorded your Snap.

 **angelinajo** screen recorded your Snap.

 **jinglekatiebell** screen recorded your Snap.

 **freelee** screen recorded your Snap.

 **86 more people** screen recorded your Snap.

 

_(15 December 23:39)_

**Hermione Granger** to **Ginny Weasley:** Ginmy tskti it doiwn

 **Ginny Weasley** to **Hermione Granger:** i will and ron’s taking you home

 **Hermione Granger** to **Ginny Weasley:** Okau

 

_(15 December 00:04)_

**Vincent Crabbe** to **hiss hiss bitch:** oh my god i just walked in on draco and potter fucking

 **Pansy Parkinson** to **hiss hiss bitch:** draco!! how could u!! vince is an innocent!!

 **Vincent Crabbe** to **hiss hiss bitch:** shut up pansy

 **Pansy Parkinson** to **hiss hiss bitch:** whatever will we do!! vincey cannot know what fucking is!!

 **Vincent Crabbe** left the group.

 **Theodore Nott** to **hiss hiss bitch:** Nice

 

_(15 December 00:57)_

**Seamus Finnigan** to **Harry Potter:** coppers clear out!!

 **Harry Potter** to **Seamus Finnigan:** draco said he put a blunt behind a painting somewhere just fyi

 

_(16 December 12:23)_

**@roonilwazlib** tagged **@hermione.jean, @harrypotter, @n.longbottom, @notgeorge_weasley,** and **@not.fred.weasley** in a photo.

spark notes of the party: hermione did a keg stand, fred and george managed to cause a small fire, and harry fucked draco!

[300 Likes] [Load 57 more comments]

 **@hermione.jean:** RON!

 **@harrypotter:** RON

 **@n.longbottom:** Can you send that photo to me

 

_(16 December 12:39)_

**@ginnygin** tagged **@hermione.jean, @loony.love, @angie.johnson,** and **@kate.bell** in a photo.

party girls

[287 Likes] [Load 18 more comments]

 **@loony.love:** Love this photo!

 **@not.fred.weasley:** looking good johnson! @angie.johnson

 **@angie.johnson:** @not.fred.weasley fuck off weasley

 

_(16 December 12:53)_

**@n.longbottom** tagged **@dean_thomas_** and **@thatirish_boy** in a photo.

Thanks for a legendary party, lads!

[65 Likes] [Load 5 more comments]

 **@thatirish_boy:** anytime schlongbottom!

 **@dean_thomas_:** my eyes are closed

 **@roonilwazlib:** @dean_thomas_ mmmmm blocking out the haters

 

_(16 December 13:09)_

**@pansparks** tagged **@draco.mall, @zabiniblaise,** and **@nott_theodore** in a photo.

my boysssss

[365 Likes] [Load 13 more comments]

 **@zabiniblaise:** We’re not your boys

 **@draco.mal:** What Blaise said ^^^

 **@flintmarcus:** where am i :((

 

_(16 December 13:13)_

**@lee___jordn** tagged **@notgeorge_weasley** and **@not.fred.weasley** in a photo.

call the fire brigade

[204 Likes] [Load 42 more comments]

 **@thatirish_boy:** better not be stealing my title as chief fire setter of hogwarts

 **@hermione.jean:** @thatirish_boy Not something you should be proud of.

 **@harrypotter:** ledgessss

 

_(16 December 14:24)_

**@harrypotter** tagged **@draco.mal** in a photo.

guys look at how cute my boyfriend is when he’s tipsy

[399 Likes] [Comments have been disabled for this post]

 

_(16 December 14:24)_

**@draco.mal** tagged **@harrypotter** in a photo.

Look how dumb my boyfriend looks doing a keg stand

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_(17 December 09:00)_

**Professor Flitwick** has sent **hpotter12@hogwarts.edu** and **dmalfoy15@hogwarts.edu** an email.

“Mr Potter and Mr Malfoy:

I am emailing you two to tell you your grade before I post it. You two presented the best speech I have ever seen in all my years of teaching. Not only have I awarded you guys a 100%, I have entered you two in a speech contest next semester with Durmstrang and Beauxbatons. Keep Practicing, boys!

Cheers,

Professor Flitwick.”


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